Today marks a pivotal energy shift as we move into the high yang energy of summer. As I write you all I am sitting less than ten minutes from the ocean, sun beaming on my forehead, and enjoying a gentle breeze, wind bells softly chiming, as the birds busy with their daily work.
Today I have a very special announcement as I have quietly been working on a new project which launches this week: I started a podcast. The podcast came to me quite strongly as a calling to dispel the myth that being multi-passionate, multi-faceted, and enjoying various things in life means that you lack direction. The two simply don’t mix. If you are someone who struggles with willpower and are aimless, maybe in all actuality, you are exploring the various avenues of which life has to offer. Maybe you are miraculously failing forward and maybe, just maybe you are exactly where you need to be. Maybe you don’t need to be judged by others. Maybe in all honesty, judgement is not needed at all and we can just observe the gentle unfolding of what is.
Spring was strange. Work was slower than usual, and it seems that despite my efforts to get things done, I simply could not move forward. Life felt like it was in a suspense of sorts and I took that as a calling that I needed to slow down and rest, so I did.
In this period of rest my whole life crumbled before my eyes, but I did not have the energy to repair anything. All I could do was look up and acknowledge what was and accept that all of the changes were completely out of my control. That the crumbling needed to happen. That the endings were inevitable. My life was falling apart before my eyes because it needed to be restructured and rebuilt and this leads us to this current moment in time. No matter what I did or tried to do, things still happened the way they did as that is how fate and life paths meander.
Now, in hindsight, I am free of many burdens of my past and, there are still some things which need to be sorted out. I am more clear of my likes and dislikes and what is my own for taking on and what is simply not mine. I am clear that I would prefer to not have a cell phone and, that being responsible for another human requires I have one. I am clear that horseradish in mustard is not my favorite. I am more clear on how I love and how I wish to be loved in return. I am clear that I am a bit neurotic at times, and in other times very soothing and calm. I am clear that both of these parts are important and there is no need to mask all that makes me human.
But what does a rebuilding look like? I think it is slow and intentional. I believe if it is done properly it must not be rushed, like creating a foundation for a new home. Sometimes burdens are necessary to remind us on what we value most. Often, they are self imposed, rarely evaluated on if they still add to our lives or take away. Last year, I let fear take something away from my life and I am still grappling with it from time to time. Being a recovering ruminator can feel hard at times but I acknowledge what is and lean into acceptance.
My life fell apart this Spring, and now in the Summer, I am open to the possibilities that rebuilding it will offer. Have you ever had a season where you seemingly fail at everything? What burden(s) are you open to releasing this Summer?
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Written under a Gemini sun and a Cancer moon, feeling ready for the gentle loving embrace of a season emerging.
Currently reading:
A book on Human Design, Carl Jung, various theologies, Love is Letting Go of Fear, and some novels in Italian.
Currently leaning into:
Good teachers to show me the ropes of life such as the ocean, my elders, and friends who care and love me for who I am right now.
Upcoming
I have my final show next week in Walnut Creek on the 29th of June. I am officially no longer a resident of the Bay Area, so this is in a sense my final goodbye showcase. I am on at 8:15pm. Will you join me there?
You can purchase tickets here: tell me more
My subsequent shows will be in Mendocino and Humboldt county as well as beyond the realms of the states.