Vacationing Differently
A shift in the right direction and thoughts on the current state of the world
This is rare and unlike me, but I am going to preface this by saying it will take some resilience for you to read this weeks post. I touch on a few of uncomfortable topics so read it to your own capacity. If this rouses a reaction in you, please respond from a compassionate and kind place. Social media has taught us that all opinions are valid and that is simply not true. All opinions are solely opinions.
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The way that I vacation has changed. No longer am I trying to cram it all in. I lean into free flowing days with some time to rest. No longer am I overbooking my vacation, returning home from vacation feeling even more tired, needing another vacation to recover from the initial. I am leaning into taking things day by day, always acknowledge if I don’t get to something I can do it when I return to visit another time.
There is something inquiet about going away on a trip to enjoy yourself and returning home even more exhausted than when you left. Racing against the sun to make it to a BnB on the coast, missing the ability to stop in a bakery you stumble on because you have a reservation for a whale watching tour on the other side of town, barking at your kids because you missed a turn in a new place-is this really living?
Distilling the idea of vacation won’t take much time and in a western society that rewards us for being busy. The simple act of not being busy is an act of resistance and self care.
Sometimes caring for oneself is the work. Carving out important time to reset and rest without parameters or limitations.
When people ask what I did last week in Washington state for the week, I respond, “I sat by the water and I saw friends.” And that truly is all I needed.
On the World Divide
On what has happened this week, I will make a brief (to me) comment. As an empath, I can not take on the woes of the world. The world in my head is already so much to bear, as I take on enough. In life, I have learned that you can not allow fear to consume you. You can not blame others for the state of the world or, the way you see the world. You can, reflect on yourself, where you are standing right here and right now and what you can do.
Growing up in Berkeley, I became over tired of a certain flavor of liberals. The ones who claim they are so open and woke and yet secretly, deep inside have yet to quell their racist remarks from bubbling up to the surface into subtle remarks or blatant ones with no understanding of their significance. Now with social media, it is harder to escape this. The ‘fake woke’ people that permeate the earth. The ones with influence, or who post things on their stories and take no action, or maybe this is a consideration of action. Liberals in this category are no different to me than the ones who passed this ‘states can decide’ laws. So for today I am asking a question: what can you do, where you are right now to help our daughters growing up in this world?
My ability to share and take action is through my words, and in form of donations. You will not find me at a protest, and if you ask me about my position on things you may find yourself surprised. I am someone who can see different sides to a conflict. One who doesn’t mind disagreeing with the popular opinion. What is clear to me is that women should be able to have a choice over their bodies. If your daughter comes home from college pregnant and forced by the state to keep a child at 18 she is not ready for, the ripple effects of that experience will create tears in the family quilt that may never be healed.
As a young mother myself and a descendent of slavery, trauma is not new to me. Growing up Black in America is always work. You are always dealing with something. Despite my parents setting me up with opportunities and excellent education, I still ended up pregnant and 18 and being pro-life, I knew I did not have the capacity to end a life to keep my own. The ripples of my choice have followed me throughout my life and have been something I have reflected on to this day.
Through my daughter, a flame finally lit under my melancholic snail paced ass to work at something, to excel. I spent my whole life saying to friends, family and the world I was going to be a famous singer/dancer/actress/philanthropist and to that point I had made no effort to accomplish anything. I just coasted on my talents in painting, sketching, and languages, knowing that it would all just unfold for me. I gave up anything once it got hard. I fought my depression and lethargy for life. I think that is the challenge of growing up comfortable and with money, is that it can make you lazy. Although there were plenty of uncomfortable situations in my childhood that were uncommon to most, I had a lot going for me before becoming a mom.
After becoming a mother at 19, I worked hard (seven jobs, no days off, driving for Uber, waiting tables, night jobs, relentlessly hard). I met my best of friends and worst through my daughter and the community I entered upon bearing a child. Being a mother naturally invites you into a world that is so colorful and full of stories of life, love, tragedy, and hope. It has been the most fulfilling experience I have ever lived through, and fraught with challenges. Now with a teenager, there is a new set of challenges, and I approach it as I would a puzzle. I love what children throw at you, as they are a direct mirror of your setbacks and ultimately of yourself. Whenever you have a strong aversion or reaction to something in your child, it is typically because you see a piece of yourself in the glass that you don’t want to see, and that is when you must confront it. Away from your children, in a private journal or with a therapist.
Recently, in a ceramics class, a white woman told me that it was a standard of my people to have babies young. That Black people just do that, and she leaned over close and told me she knew this because she worked with the troubled ones in a school district. It disturbed me that this was her truth. She was so certain she knew ‘all of us’ by working with a small percentage of ‘us.’ That is how the new Roe v. Wade seems to me. A misunderstanding of ‘all of us’ based on a small group deciding that they are un-biased and able to be fair, objective yet acting from a place of subjective ideals. By misunderstanding you could interpret that I don’t understand or feel reactive, but I do understand, quite well actually, and my word choice is sound. I am not surprised by this decision, I have been reading horrendous articles all year on instances in rural parts of California where mothers are incarcerated immediately after pregnancy complications and after having stillborn children. If you read and have a sound head on your shoulders, you can anticipate the direction that the world is heading in. As a Black woman, I was not surprised by Trump winning. So many people were so surprised, I was not. Obviously they don’t know my America. So what can we do? Our mission now is to help them understand how this new decision hurts everyone. How can someone be open to a conversation if they don’t have access to different opinions?
Have you ever looked or read news from the other opinion? If not, I recommend you at least try. Just as our headlines are compelling and intriguing, so are theirs. They are being fed information just as we are meant to divide us. So both sides have no understanding of the other sides opinions and media and yet, want to disagree with each other. It’s like eating meat and calling hunting barbaric if you ask me. We all need to be open to having conversations with each other and being uncomfortable. Make people think!
There is no question that if you have additional resources you are better equipped to end up in a better lane in life. Due to my intelligence, education, and skills, my life is worlds better than it was seven years ago. My blackness does not mean that things always come harder, but they can, and sometimes they do.
My pro-life stance does not mean I am not pro-choice, I am both and I support peoples choices. The beauty of my stance is that I can happily have conversations with open-minded liberal friends and conservative, religious friends and get them to think-expand their minds a bit.
And if you disagree, I’ll listen. I’ll truly listen without intention to respond or disagree, or form an argument, I’ll just listen.
Let’s make the world a more welcoming place.
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Written under a Cancer sun and a Gemini moon feeling like what the world really needs is a bit more compassion, community, and love.
Слава Україні!
An invitation:
I am teaching a workshop on Botanical Dyeing with Herbs in July 11th in Pleasant Hill. If you have felt overwhelmed by the world, stepping away from what you usually do and connecting to plants is a wonderful opportunity to feel connected to community and self. I do hope you will join me. I will be demonstrating how to use herbs to bundle dye, sharing some of my dyepots from my garden, and you will leave with a wearable piece of art. You can sign up here: register
Listening to:
I recently saw Aldous Harding at The Fillmore. She has been a favorite artist of mine for a while now and is incredibly talented.
p.s. I think if I had a choice right now on where to go, I would be Persephone on a dragon riding into the depths of hell. Maybe its a bit more comfortable there than our face of the earth at the moment?