Unclear on what's next

On the fear of what may come

I am going to preface this by saying it will take some resilience for you to read this weeks post. I touch on uncomfortable topics so read it to your own capacity. If this rouses a reaction in you, please respond from a compassionate and kind place. Social media has taught us that all opinions are valid and that is simply not true. All opinions are solely opinions.

The world is starting to get real scary and fear is creeping in. The micro-aggressions I have dealt with my whole life are now more outward than ever, and blatant racist remarks are found wherever I turn. I am not sure what to do, and I wonder, to my readers of color, what it is you plan to do, or not do?

Do we hideaway at home?

Do we start even bigger gardens and live off the land?

I feel like I can’t step foot into a store, the post office, or a restaurant without receiving some blatant racism that stops me in my tracks.

Picking up takeout, walking down the street, I hear less and less that is positive and more which makes me question my safety in a rural community as a minority.

What should we do?

How do we prepare?

So again, and rarely I am bringing up politics. Really, I don’t want to talk about it, but also it is important that young people start using their voice and make sure they are not being apathetic to the fact that them not deciding is actually a vote, and it’s pretty much letting someone else decide for you. If you care about your friends of color, then your vote matters because you are saying you care about our physical safety. Never in my life have I seen someone so keen on violence and causing harm to people who are other. Never have I been so disturbed by the world.

No matter what happens this week it will be scary. The world feels like it is absolutely out of control and as a woman, of color, I feel uncomfortable in ways I have not felt in many many years. I feel very scared of the uncertainty, and very disappointed that it has gotten this bad.

Today I have decided to delete my Twitter account, something that has been on my mind since it changed names (ahem), and I think it is equally important that we consider how capitalism has seeped into our decision making and how we can truly support the world we want to live in.

This afternoon at Target, I was almost lured to a fast fashion t-shirt, and then I realized that does not align with my values and it has not in a long time. I have to let it go. This internalized capitalism, marring my existence and seeping into the way in which I see the world. None of us are exempt.

One can not be one extreme or the other, we must find balance, some sort of equilibrium and yet, the world has gone absolutely mad. I am not sure where to place my faith or trust and I am just filled with worry of what’s next, but please, consider voting. If you aren’t sure where to start, just consider your friends of color and what would happen if someone who incites violence is elected. In this case, I can see that one is worse, even amidst a horrific genocide. In writing this, I feel like I have to ask to pick to save me or someone else. I feel like I am completely on the line, and exposed, and I know if I say nothing it will weigh on me.

I am aware it can be hard to put yourself in the shoes of someone when your life has been vastly different, but this week, I had to put my friend on my altar for Día de Muertos who was murdered by men who hated him for the way he looked. All he wanted to do was sing jazz. He was a beautiful singer, and a real delightful human with a positive presence. Never will I forget a conversation we had before he was not here anymore on how he wanted to leave the area. He felt it was not a good place for him to be. I understood what he meant without him saying more. It’s things like this that really get to me. How is this an acceptable fate for anyone?

It is not all heroes and villains, all or nothing, black or white vibes but, we surely are making it out to be that way. Encourage your friends and family to be of support, to be allies, and to vote. Know the rest of the world is watching, the US influences many countries. Equally, many of us at some point were not allowed to vote, so now, we have the gift to actually spark a revolution. It’s actually already begun. Pick your position.

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Written under a Scorpio sun and a Sagittarius moon, wondering where one finds hope.