Reciprocity & Stress
June always moves so so fast. . .
Life lately has felt like a balance of pressures.
What is most pressing?
What is most spacious?
There has been a peculiar space my body has been residing in amidst such large upheavals and transitions, and for some reason, many people are whispering in my ear telling me how I should feel. So much so, that I had a moment of pause to check in with myself on how I actually feel.
Currently, I am exhausted in a different way. In an unfamiliar way. Exhaustion plays a usual role in my life, and I am able to temper it as I allow ample time for the things that nourish, replenish, and bring me joy. With this, equally, the pressure of my life does not cease to weigh on me. The fact that others do not understand and advise me on how I should lead my life weights on me, and as summer continues on, I am lit with a creative fire to press on, leaving burdens behind.
In the past four years, there are many things I have let die. Past versions of self, stagnant relationships, eating choices, friends, family members, passions, and career directions. All have had to die to get me to this moment in time. The work that has sustained me for close to eight years is evolving and is no longer fully supporting me. It may need to die. To support me* now, I need to consider what still lands for me today. Where my body has changed, how my thoughts have morphed, and the neurological pathways that are shaping the possibilities of my choices have evolved. I don’t want to do things because I must, I want to do them because it is my choice. I seek freedom at all times.
One of the best ways in which I have supported myself is through self experimentation, something I heavily practiced during my teens and into my young adult years and paused doing until now. In 2022, I realized the way in which I saw myself and the way other’s saw me were completely askew. I was so hard on myself internally that I was not allowing myself to fully be seen externally. To combat this self-deprecation and personal outlook, I took the whole year to write down every single compliment people gave to me. Whether strangers, family, or friends, I wrote down their kindness verbatim to reshape my mind, and help me see myself more in alignment with the way others do.
In spending time writing down these moments, I felt lighter, and happier with myself. It helped me see how I shine in the world and what I have to offer and share. So today, I am passing on the reciprocity and offering to those who are down, or need some words, feel free to email me, and I will write you back in kind.
A few kind words shared to me were:
October 2022 ::
Woman outside of Whole Foods doubled back with her child: I have to say, you look like autumn. I mean your outfit and the way you walked over to get that pumpkin. It’s just (gestures to perfection with hands)*
Undated 2022 ::
You look like a painting.
In seeing these memories written down with my hands, they continue to lift me up and remind me to continue to sparkle. How do you shine in this world?
.
.
.
Written under a Cancer sun and Taurus moon, feeling whole.
Yesterday I swam in the river, ran in the grass with my friends, and held my daughter close for a gentle snuggly moment.
My birthday month has officially ended, and my heart is full of joy.
“I think if we can stay present in life, we can realize now is always the best time.”
-Me, July 1st
Currently reading: North American Indians: A Very Short Introduction
Lot’s of Substack as Usual such as::
Nature, Always:: Clayfulness
on feeling all the feelings. :: Monday Memo
Cómo no divorciarse :: Magical Thinking
Widening the heart’s window :: Human Stuff
Ordinary Practice :: Cody Cook-Parrott
Listening to: 90’s Cumbia, my own songs, and this podcast episode on the fawn response.
Currently watching:
On a Warming Mother Earth
I have been combatting climate grief with climate hope. It is a term I made up, and I plan to continue to have climate hope because this earth is my home until the day I die. I am a realist and pragmatic, and equally, I seek to connect with those in life who want to work towards solutions. Most recently, I attended a class with my dear friend Sarah and she taught on triticale, a new grain which was considered animal feed and now is being developed for human consumption on arid soils. If you are interested in learning more, you can do so here: Sarah Owens Patreon
Support UC Davis research on triticale by reaching out to Joshua directly and become involved here: Connect with Joshua
I am deeply involved in the world of whole grain bread making, and give immense gratitude to my teachers. Here are some upcoming offerings from friends in my life:
Rhonda of Beck’s Bakery is teaching a breadmaking workshop locally on July 8th at Harvest Hub. This event has sold out, but I think you all should keep it on your radar for the next one. Here are the deets: Baking Class
Studio Sessions is an incredible creative space cultivated by my dear friend Eli. She offers far more than sewing classes in Berkeley and has truly cultivated a community for people who sew and want to learn and grow in company. Here are her upcoming offerings: July Classes
Those who know me well know I love to play, and I especially love to play with clay! Julie Cloutier is offering July classes out of her home studio in Sebastopol, which I recommend you do not miss! Clay clay clay!
Do you like collage? She has a collage workshop offered on July 13th here: Collage Workshop
Once we find a new home, I am thinking of butterfly certifying my garden. Our flowers are so beautiful this year, especially the sweet peas, which are a fragrant new addition. My daughter has always leaned towards planting varieties for butterflies, and I now am in accord. Here is how to learn more: NABA Certification
I started a new newsletter, on all things finance, emotional ties to money, and even offering educational resources and classes. You can learn more here: The Money Portal
Money Things
I took a really big step at the end of the month and decided to delegate a big task. As a bookkeeper who supports clients with their finances, I recently faced a personal challenge: my own taxes fell behind due to difficulty finding a trusted tax accountant. To address this, I took a really big step at the end of the month and decided to delegate my bookkeeping out and partnering with Collective, a comprehensive financial solution for self-employed professionals.
Collective is assisting me with:
• Filing my business tax returns
• Providing ongoing bookkeeping support (which I will review for accuracy)
• Offering a robust financial management system with everything all in one place
If you're also struggling to find the right tax support, Collective might be a valuable interim solution. They specialize in serving self-employed individuals with a full-service approach to financial management. You can learn more and sign up using my referral discount code here: Collective
If you want to connect with someone before signing up (which I recommend you do), I will gladly facilitate connecting you with my person. Just reach out and ask.
A Note of Gratitude and Invitation
Dear readers,
As I continue to explore and share my thoughts through this newsletter, I'm deeply grateful for your presence and support. This space has become a cherished playground for my ideas, a canvas for my visions, and a laboratory for imagining new possibilities.
Your engagement breathes life into these words, creating a beautiful synergy of shared curiosity and growth. I'm committed to offering valuable content while also honoring my own need for sustainability and well-being.
If you find value in this newsletter and are in a position to do so, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Your financial support helps me dedicate more time and resources to creating thoughtful, inspiring content.
However, I understand that not everyone can contribute monetarily, and that's absolutely okay. If you're unable to become a paid subscriber at this time, there are other meaningful ways to support this work:
✨Share each newsletter with friends, family, or colleagues who might find it interesting
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Your participation, in whatever form it takes, amplifies the impact of these ideas and helps build a community of curious, compassionate thinkers.
Thank you for being part of this journey. Your presence here is a gift, and I'm excited to continue growing and learning together.
With heartfelt appreciation,
Serah
p.s. I have learned methods to disrupt the cognitive dissonance I experience. Having such an expansive mind leaves me feeling misunderstood and lonely at many points in my lived experience. Recalling and remembering how we are all connected keeps me sane, and tethered to time and place. If I am but a space traveler waiting to be called home, I sure do love this life I am in, right now.
*Who does your me support? My me supports both me and my child. As I lean into ways I can show up and remain true to myself, I acknowledge that I am a human who takes up space, and is not afraid of it. I finally am not afraid to be fully me.