Well, we have made it to the last day of 2023. Let’s buckle our seatbelts and prepare for blast off into a year of intense revelations. Goals, one must have goals, or so they say. My goals have been shifted by the wayside and I feel stuck in a liminal space of sorts unable to propel forward.
This year feels like a beacon of sorts that has been lost in the murkiness of the choppy sea. I am ending this year with feelings of hopelessness, grief, and listlesness. I did not accomplish what I had hoped for, and the year is closing with a lingering unfinished feeling. Yet another year passes by and I am further away from where I want to be. I am unhappy and I am sad.
In no way shape or form did I show up here and decidedly think I was going to write a depressing post but it seems that my internal world is beyond unsettled and I need a moment of pause to cry it out.
This year has shown us the dark side of humanity and the imbalance the world holds. I can’t help but feel the grief of the world because it permeates and it’s stench clings onto my hair like smoke at a dingy basement party. All the gratitude and hope I hold is smothered by the deep understanding that the world is such a messed up place, at times it is hard to see the light.
2024 approaches and I need to get my head on straight and finish my novel. I am stepping into my true self and nature and showing up creatively for child parts that have been long buried under the rubble of obligations, duty, and what I think I should be doing. I am done being my own sacrificial lamb and sacrificing my own happiness for what I believe needs to occur. Showing up for myself means I am showing up for the collective. All of the hope I have held onto for the past few years has burned out, and there is only a glimmer of hope that I wake up tomorrow and feel good.
A plethora of releases and shares will be arriving in 2024. This year will be another one, the sadness is maddening, and I wonder if I even matter sometimes.
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Written under a Capricorn Sun and Virgo Moon feeling hopeless and helpless.
Something to share with the collective:
A really cool secret sketchbook course I may attend with Elizabeth Haidle.