One doesn't always need to have the last word
I am verbose. I have a lot to say, and a lot of opinions, yet, as Fall comes to a close and Winter emerges, I find joy in listening. Just listening to what others have to say. How they think, how they process, and how they see the world. Ever curious as to how they see me. With an ever open mind to the possibilities.
Recently, it dawned on me that I want a partner that wants me. It seems so simple doesn’t it? But when you date all types of people, people can have different preferences. Something that a dear friend shared with me earlier this year just can not fade from the forefront of my mind. She had decided to go out with someone who thought of her as his ideal type. Although it wasn’t too comfortable for her to be in the energy of receiving someone who can see them together so clearly, she persisted~and it was so delightful, and comforting, and expansive.
How would you feel if someone you went out with told you that you look so much more beautiful with your hair straight? I have been told that a handful of times, and although I wish it didn’t get to me, it did. Society has been telling me my whole life that who I am, in the world is not enough. Being a Black woman in America can be so harmful. Being Black in America can be so harmful.
I don’t think I need to spend a moment beyond 33 feeling like I am not enough. Just like one of my first well rounded songs (Life is Not a Fairytale or LINAF), I can wholeheartedly proclaim ‘I am enough.’ I want someone who wants me and sees me and appreciates me for how I show up in the world.
This year, I have been writing down every single compliment I have been given. From the friend who writes a sweet message, to the mom leaving Whole Foods with her children, to my French tutor, every word has been recorded by my hands. I have a secret dream that I plan to take action upon once I am settled into my forever space and I can’t wait to bring it to fruition.
For now, I will keep on in the direction of life where I want to be, and keep preparing myself for the moment when it all settles into place and it will no longer be a dream of what if.
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Written under a Scorpio sun and a Taurus moon, feeling like I can truly believe in my deepest wishes to come true.