Exhale’s slowly.
Wow, I can not believe it. Release day is here. I am feeling so many things swirled with a sadness and grief that wants to consume me whole. I believe this is the first project I have ever released that I feel absolute immense joy and pride in putting out in the world as it is so irrevocably my own. Words, a gift I have been blessed with that offer clarity into a part of self that was tucked away for a long, long time. An even gentler part that briefly came out in July of 2022, exposed, vulnerable, and open to the unknown. Through an experience that was ripped away from my heart much too prematurely.
To those of you who know love, have likely also known the loss that comes with it. It brings to mind lyrics from a song I wrote in 2009 or so:
I can’t sleep
I can’t breathe
It’s tearing me to pieces
It is. . .
One of my first decent songs on heartbreak was written after my daughters father and I had a terrible split. From my recollection, he split with all my money, left us without home, and crushed my dreams of being a happy family. I was left, with a toddler, to pick up the pieces.
Through a momentous effort, I have learned the beauty and grace in writing my pain out during and in the middle of painful experiences. It has been a personal practice for as long as I can remember, through the tears, through the decades I stopped crying, and through the tears once more. There is only one way for catharsis of pain and for me, that is through it. Of course, I have so much more pain than many deal with in a lifetime, and the overwhelm and stress can become too much, pushing me over the edge of the cliff into darkness. Regardless, I am here, showing up for the lessons. I am not sure I even have a choice.
There is a certain lightness that I grieve for at times like these, and I wonder when I will start to feel whole again. There are certainly ample moments of happiness amidst the turbulence of life for the past couple of years but I still feel so overwhelmed by the speed in which the waves of change crash upon my life. Maybe it is all of the heavy Pluto placements, and maybe it is just me. The Harbinger of the underworld of emotions which will be exposed with either gentle or sharp clairvoyance depending on what I feel needs to appear. The Harbinger of Abrupt Change.
If there is one things I know for sure, it is that a sensitive heart needs ample space to breathe and heals slow.
.
.
.
Written under an Aquarius sun and a Taurus moon, feeling like I could use some nourishing food, and someone to come support me and make my life a bit lighter.
You can purchase my first book of prose ‘Love Unfolding’ here: purchase book
Thank you all for being here,
Looking forward to seeing you at my Book Release Celebration tomorrow, Thursday the 15th of February at 6:30pm PST. Here is the Zoom Link: