I spend time staring at the sky.
These Fall skies have been so profound. Shaking me deep to my core, I think of love, I think of warmth, closeness, affection, and most often, I think of growth. Of the immense growth and expansion journey that thirty-three is sharing with me and as it is a gift, I accept it and invite it in with loving grace. I have never felt this way before, but I never want this year around the sun to end. Thirty-three years has been my most profound time on earth yet. I have made absolutely magical new connections, and the absolute clarity of who I am and who I am not is appearing, in focus, and I see the reflection of myself in the most crisp image yet. I imagine as we age, more and more is revealed about ourselves, about others, and how we can show up as authentically as we feel capable at the time.
I see the ways I was left behind and forgotten and I see the ways in which I forget myself. I spend time in my cocoon of rest, tea, hand sewing and journaling and I observe the gentle unfolding of my not so small child’s experience of the world.
As my summer garden wanes and my winter garden strengthens, I sense a slowing of pace in myself. No longer am I driven to push beyond my physical capacity. No longer am I creating unrealistic goals of what I can do. I invite a slower pace of existence with open arms and a generous heart. I just am, and who I am is perfectly okay.
I see the kindness of others and how they see me and all I have to share with the world. This year I am truly being seen, and appreciated, and I couldn’t be happier.
In my time away from Substack I have held up a very powerful mirror and discovered some deep-seated wounds in my core that I had no idea that existed before this past Sunday. There must be care and patience when diving into places of deep hurt and wounding to not cause further harm to oneself or others.
I choose to show up, as I am and continually invite love and light into my life. I choose to continually share it with others despite the hard, dark times that have caused destruction in my life. Destruction after all, is an invitation to write a new chapter, and that chapter could possibly be better than something you could have imagined for yourself.
In Libra season I focused on learning of ways which I can further balance my life. If my ego and intuition need to work hand in hand to make it through this lifetime and reach my destination, I must always remember that my ego is the vehicle and my intuition is the driver. Ego must never lead or I will cause immense harm to those whom I care for.
Death is such a strong archetype of Scorpio season and as it is a strong influential energy I work with personally, I am open to the lessons that endings have to teach me in this lifetime. I used to fear endings, but maybe they are just the fire needed to allow the regeneration and space for a new chapter to emerge from the ashes. The pandemic has reshaped our temperaments and left us all with a bit of despair, hopelessness, and/or depression. In this season I invite the energy of all those emotions to discover more about myself and others.
I will remember:
Even if we cannot meet again our bond will not cease to exist and
What is meant for me will never pass me by.
And I invite it all in, I invite it all in,
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Written under a Sun and Moon in Scorpio, feeling like the underworld does a world of good too.
Listening to:
Mostly Bossa Nova, Yatao, Dos Santos, and Giolì and Assia. I love the cinematics of this video and look forward to shooting more in nature as well.
Currently baking:
Olive Oil Polenta Cake from Mother Grains
(I also made her Oatmeal Date Cookies and Corn Linzer Cookies all were absolutely divine.)
Currently sewing:
Corsets and whimsical pieces to be worn in my music videos. (Although the one pictured is for my daughter.)
Currently supporting:
Redwood Roots Farm Cooperative.
These women are very special to me and it would mean the world to be if you considered supporting their fundraiser or spreading awareness of their Go Fund Me page. They are establishing a worker-owned cooperative and offer so much to the local community in Humboldt through offering opportunities to assist and learn about farming, CSA boxes and you pick flowers, and more. You can learn more here.
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I am not as social as I pretend to be. I am going to start sharing a bit more on my YouTube channel but beyond that, I am going to hermit more and work on this book I want to release in seven years. So you can stay in touch by subscribing here. Subscribing to the paid side of my Substack of course is optional, but is really encouraging for me to keep on writing. Thank you to those of you who support my work by paying for a subscription. I truly appreciate you.
p.s. Heartbreak has pushed me closer to the truest version of myself and opened doors for me to make the most profound and resonant connections with those who truly get and see me for who I am. So sometimes heartbreak can be a good thing, no matter how gut wrenching and upsetting it truly is. In losing a past version of self, you gain a new version of self or perspective that would have never arrived without the shared experiences with the other person. So why do I always expect people to stay with me forever? Of course it is comforting because I am loyal to a fault, but maybe, just maybe, we are meant to grow apart in order to find ourselves. What is meant for me will never pass me by.