I recently read that we tend to end up with partners that have the same level of emotional maturity as we do. So in fact, we don’t need to feel sad when things don’t work out but we can see them as a blessing. Sometimes things don’t align after that momentary attraction because you aren’t on the same playing field. And that’s perfectly okay. Leaning into being okay with my own discomfort around letting people in and rebuilding the parts of me that broke as a young child.
Although my fear creeps up and consumes all that is kind and good in my mind, I still show up, each and every day smiling and ready to experience things once more. Love is the most inexplicable beauty that exists. Can we share its compassion and grace with each other more often? Can we choose not to harden from the pain of our past?
This has been one of the most incredible weeks of my life. Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I did a cold water plunge into the Pacific Ocean and swam with a leopard seal and new friends. We shared delicious tea and an even more delicious warm meal in a warm kitchen over stories and laughs and an outpour of happiness enveloped me as I drove back to the Bay, leaving behind my place that feels so resonant, like home.
In leaning into the ways in which I trust myself and equally lack trust in myself, the universe is guiding me to trust my intuition and follow what feels resonant. What feels resonant when you have a child who is reliant on you? How do you thrive as an introvert hermit in a busy world who loves bouts of interaction? Where does one begin?
Instead of letting the questions swirl around my mind I lean inwards to meditation and express immense gratitude for the universe and the gifts it offers. I feel no less than blessed for this wonderful and dazzling life that dances before my eyes on a daily basis.
I have started recording my dance practice and getting back into dancing with others and it feels so so so magnificent. Dancing on screen is bizarre, but the more I do it hopefully the less awkward it will feel. I fucking love being alive, and thank goodness I do, thank goodness I do.
Loving solitude and equally loving connection no longer feels like it comes at a cost anymore. I lean into the expression of wanting to be close to others and wanting to take breaks of solitude to reset back to my center.
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Written under a Leo sun and an Aquarius moon feeling like a little ray of sunshine.
Maybe we were just a moment in time and that’s okay.
News:
My Friday show has been canceled due to staffing shortages. You still have time to join me in September before the show sells out. Here is where you can purchase tickets: https://www.themonkeyhouse.org/
Listening to:
Leaning into: Letting go.
Supporting: My water element by swimming daily.
Love > Fear
I resonated so hard with your words. Equally trusting & lacking trust in one’s self is a dynamic I hadn’t yet put into words for myself (probably for fear of admitting anything less than perceived perfection after all this ‘work’ I’ve been doing to trust myself - signed, my Leo & Virgo placements) and I felt so seen reading it. & especially loved the bit about choosing not to allow pain from the past to harden us. Very relevant for me rn. Ty for sharing your story 🙏🏽