Mellowing energy simmers into the earth floor as the leaves change color and break away from their branches, falling to the ground. Warm, wet crisp mornings, pastures covered in mist, fog thick as overgrown brambles, and summer fruit, at it’s peak. There is something so tangible about this fertile season winding down, and as I sense my body sinking in to the floor ready to rest, I am reminded of the grey foxes whom I lock eyes with on my way home, the many birds to whom I now share a home, and the lands I love which I now get to call my own.
Summer was beyond trying, and in a domino effect of events, my weekend fell apart, just as it needed to for me to be okay and have time to rest, recover, and reset. Just as I thought it would be my final breath and I could bear no more, an outpour of love came bursting in from those whom I have shared moments with and whom appreciate me in return. Hope has felt like a distant memory and yet, hope finds me, knocking loudly on my door when I disregard hopes arrival, beckoning me to put on my best housecoat and answer the call.
If life is but a series of lessons, strung along one by one, I wonder what lesson, or might I say what chapter of life I am in.
Sheer confusion?
Stuck in the crossfire?
Hazy gaze?
Lost soul?
I don’t have a clue. I am but an explorer forever craving a place to land where I will feel equal parts safe and free. A summer of wandering, unbound and nomadic living, over twelve weeks, many times not knowing where to land next and now a home has appeared. I long for my books, my bread flour, and my sewing machine which I have not laid eyes on since the beginning of June. I long to refresh and awake anew, expanding on ideas of a new version of self I have been envisioning and sketching for years.
Fall is for reflection, for introspection, for snuggling up in a handmade blanket enjoying films and warm drinks, and soup. Fall is for decorations, and candlelit suppers with friends, shared moments and laughing at memories of moments of joy. Fall is a respite and a gentle tug from the earth as everything prepares for a long slumber. I feel that slumber beckoning me now, I yearn for a long pause, for rest before my studies in Linguistic Anthropology commence once more. I long for a love meant waiting for but for now, I can say that I am happy with what I have. I have those around me who love, respect, and appreciate me, my boundaries, and who I am now: the real me.
It’s just barely 9pm and my eyelids are heavy, summoning me to rest. I mustn’t resist the call. . .
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.
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Written under a Virgo sun and an Aries moon, feeling like this Pisces moon unleashed a decade of tears, and I have no clue what’s next.
Currently reading:
Tutankhamun’s Trumpet by Toby Wilkinson
My own literature in processing
Currently watching:
Currently baking:
Cookies, on repeat.
Currently writing:
A memoir on reasoning with your grief to get unstuck.
Current obsession:
Observing bugs working in the late morning.
Seven planets are in retrograde. Remember to have compassion, take your time, and use spell check.
Sending immense love and compassion to you all. Feeling deep gratitude and appreciation for your reading of my words. Looking forward to sharing my works soon in a bookstore near you.
Xx,
FF