Omg, he was a narcissist. How did I not see it?
The perception in my mind starts to crumble as I piece everything together, mainly the lack of capability to give any fucks about the way I was feeling.
You treat me bad
You make me blue
I’m you sad girl puppy
Some of the lyrics from my most recent tune sad girl puppy (originally titled Fuckin rate race) are starting to settle and make more sense as my subconscious and emotional landscape saw this coming before it even eroded.
I thought I was doing all the right things, I thought I was being a caring and understanding partner. Who knew that my kindness and empathetic nature would turn into something that could be weaponized against me (well, I do, because of my childhood), moving on.
To those of you who know me well, you likely know that I like to hear what I want to hear. It just helps me digest life easier and ensures that I keep all the compartments in good working order. So I sometimes spend hours reading through articles on the same subject until I hear exactly what I want to hear in the form most digestible to me.
So to my surprise in a recent reconnection things finally made total sense. Not only was there a lack of empathy for my feelings, but he didn’t give a fuck in tearing me down and highlighting my shortcomings in a mean and demeaning way. And that was when I decided to GTFO.
I know Gwen Stefani always says it’s my life, but I’d rather live it atop the highest mountain able to see the sunset with a bento box of my favorite sushi and friends over feeling like I am drowning in my own tears. I made a bitchy playlist to celebrate. Wanna hear it?
.
.
.
.
Written under a Pisces sun and a Libra moon feeling like I really need to up my guitar game 🌊
Listening to:
In closing: Don’t project your shit onto others, go to thérapie. And if you do it sometimes, it’s okay because we are all human and make mistakes but work on it okay?
.
.
.
The names I have been called that I release today:
Hoarder, Asshole, Sensitive, Jealous, Mean, Rude, Coward, Dramatic, I need to grow up (haha, love that one). That’s all I can remember for now.
.
.
.
I don’t feel bad because this is not actually a reflection of myself. I am mature enough to see that. I have things to accomplish in this lifetime. So I don’t need people to reach out to check on me okay? I’m fine. Check in on your pets.
.
.
.
.
p.s. sometimes I wonder if I should keep writing this column or wait until does anyone care what I have to say is a much larger number. Paid subbies get a wonderful new surprise tomorrow morning in your Sunday inbox! If you feel called, please join us. Before Summer, I will be starting a Free Advice column which should be fun.